If You Think YOU'RE Awkward, Read This
My sentiment remains the same.
Here I am at the tender age of probably 4, skipping out on JK because my parent's kept me in daycare (so many questions, fam). I either really had to pee or having to sit still was killing me slowly, which it still does to this day. My friend Alex told me I look like the boy from Love Actually in this photo which I will take as a compliment and also as a very real comparison because I'm pretty sure I "fell in love" as early as age 9. Unfortunately for me, I did not grow up to be even half as handsome as him.
I don't think there's ever been a day where I haven't felt awkward. Under pressure, I say strange, inappropriate things and my arms retract to what resembles those of a T-Rex. I don't know what it is -- if it's my competitive background and this inherent need to perform, or if it's the fear of having to endure uncomfortable moments in time that seems to stand still.
Though I've endured years of having people point out my awkwardness to me, I've now come to accept it as part of my charm. Plus, what is normal?
Since she was such a hit in my "About" page, I've forced my girlfriend to describe just HOW awkward I am.
"She leaves her house with her hair done, and down, looking flawless. People always compliment her on her hair. Makes sense, she has hair that is worthy of being #hairgoals for women everywhere. The second she sits down, anywhere, at all, her hair goes up. And then comes down. And then goes up again. One of the many indicators that she is anxious, or uncomfortable, or just plain bored. She is without a filter. She says things people only THINK about saying. Out loud. Within mere seconds of running into someone she hasn't seen in years, her go-to comment is "My dog just took a HUGE dump in front of Bunner's so I had to deal with that, anyway, how are you?". I stood there awkwardly, with these strangers. Upon leaving them she exclaimed "I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY!". To which, I replied "You could have introduced me."
She doesn't know know where the line is, of what to say or not to say. One time under panic, in an otherwise completely normal interaction, she opted to overtly flirt with her father when he offered to refill her wine glass. When I point it out to her saying "WHY are you flirting with your father?", her response is to smile and say "Ugh, I just don't know. What's wrong with me?"
In an elevator after running into someone she hasn't seen for a while she immediately turns into a "woo hoo" girl. She absolutely loses her brain over seeing Amanda Tam. Again, I stand there, with no introduction.
What EVEN are acceptable social norms?"
That so terribly accurately describes me. And so what?
With social media and the fear of FOMO, we present our best-selves at all times. But sometimes, we panic, or we freeze, or we forget about socially acceptable norms. Fine, it happens. But don't you sometimes find that what is considered "socially acceptable" is sometimes so sterile that it does not allow for creativity, freedom, and even the absurd?
I am someone who completely fumbles over her own words, screws up a joke almost every time, or who will point out, in all it's glory, an exact moment of awkwardness -- sometimes even making a non-awkward moment, awkward.
And though all of this is true, I am not being punished for it. I am not lacking in life. I am not "without" because of who I am.
So please, be yourself. There are too many outstanding things that have yet to be discovered, made, tasted, sung, and watched for you to be any less than that.